A Time for Looking
Written on 1:00 AM by Anonymous
With unfamiliar human beings, when we acknowledge their humanness, we must avoid staring at them, & yet we must also avoid ignoring them. To make them into people rather than objects, we use a deliberate & polite inattention. We look at them long enough to make it quite clear that we see them, & then we immediately look away. In, body language, we're saying, 'i know you're there,' & a moment later we add, 'But i would not dream of intruding on your privacy.'
The important thing in such an exchange is that we do not catch the eye of the person. We look at him without locking glances, & then we immediately look away. Recognition is not permitted.
There are different formulas for the exchange of glances depending on where the meeting takes place. If you pass someone in the street you may eye the oncoming person till eight feet apart, then you must look away as you pass. Before the eight-foot distance is reaches, each will signal in which direction he will pass. This is done with a brief look in that direction. Each will veer slightly, & the passing is done smoothly.
Sometimes the rules are hard to follow, particularly if one of the two people wears dark glasses. It becomes impossible to discover just what they are doing. Are they looking at you too long, too intently? Are they looking at you at all? The person wearing them feels protected & assumes that he can stare without being noticed in his staring. However, this is a self deception. To the other person, dark glasses seem to indicate that the wearer is always staring at him.
