Written on 1:59 AM by christopher
Many people think that communicating is easy.It is after all something we've done all our lives.There is some truth in this simplistic view.Communicating is straightforward.What makes it complex, difficult, and frustrating are the barriers we put in the way.
Physical barriers in the workplace include:
* marked out territories, empires and fiefdoms into which strangers are not allowed
* closed office doors, barrier screens, separate areas for people of different status
* large working areas or working in one unit that is physically separate from others.
Perceptual barriers
The problem with communicating with others is that we all see the world differently. If we didn't, we would have no need to communicate: something like extrasensory perception would take its place.
Emotional barriers
One of the chief barriers to open and free communications is the emotional barrier. It is comprised mainly of fear, mistrust and suspicion. The roots of our emotional mistrust of others lie in our childhood and infancy when we were taught to be careful what we said to others.
Cultural barriers
When we join a group and wish to remain in it, sooner or later we need to adopt the behavior patterns of the group. These are the behaviors that the group accept as signs of belonging.
The group rewards such behavior through acts of recognition, approval and inclusion. In groups which are happy to accept you, and where you are happy to conform, there is a mutuality of interest and a high level of win-win contact.
Language barriers
Language that describes what we want to say in our terms may present barriers to others who are not familiar with our expressions, buzz-words and jargon. When we couch our communication in such language, it is a way of excluding others. In a global market place the greatest compliment we can pay another person is to talk in their language.
Written on 10:45 AM by christopher
Here’s the deal: I’m judging you based on appearances, and so is everyone else. Not only is it happening, but I argue that it should happen, that it’s right to judge people based on appearances. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s unfair, or you think I’m a cold-hearted ass. You can get up in arms if you want, but it won’t affect anything.
I’m not talking about race or gender. I’m talking about your outward appearances. Your clothing. Your style. Maybe your hair.
Judging Book Covers
I can already hear the voice of dissent: “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Well, I do judge books based on their covers, and so do you. When you walk into the bookstore, there are thousands of books, with hundreds (at least) in any given section. You can’t tell me that you look through every single Sci Fi book, or every single mystery book, before you decide what to buy. The sheer number of books would be overwhelming if you tried to “properly” evaluate every one. So you optimize. You look at covers. You read the titles. Out of the hundreds of books, you might pick up half a dozen, at most, and glance through them. You pick up maybe one percent to actually look through, probably even less than that.
Well, the same rules apply to people. We interact with too many people to really get to know them all. We optimize and judge based on appearances, just like we do with books. Go ahead and deny it if you want. You can cling to an idea of “fairness” that requires that everyone be judged based on “who they are” if that’s what you want. But it’ll make you a hypocrite. Just like you have to judge books based on their covers, purely as an optimization, you also have to judge people on appearances. You don’t have the time to get to know everyone. Even if you did, they wouldn’t all have the time.
Why People Judge You Based on Appearances
Aside from the fact that there are so many people that judging people becomes a necessity, there’s one other basic reason why people judge your appearances. It’s the same reason that I say it’s good to judge based on appearances.
You choose what appearance to present.
If you’re wearing a suit, you chose to put on that suit. If you’re wearing torn jeans and a “witty” t-shirt that’s worn around the neck, you chose to put on those clothes. You picked out what you’d put on for the day. Why wouldn’t I judge you based on your choices?
If you wear a baseball cap and everyday clothes to an interview, your potential employer is going to assume that either you’re an idiot, or you don’t really care. In either case, you’re not who they want. If you’d worn a suit, you’d appear as if you cared. You’d look like a professional.
If you’re a guy with long hair, it says something about you. Depending on how groomed it is, it might say you’re laid back, or it might say you’re lazy and a slacker. I’m not telling you to cut your hair. I’m just saying that it’s sending out a message. You are sending out a message.
IT IS SIMPLY JUST BECAUSE YOUR APPEARANCES SAYS WHO U R....
Written on 9:37 AM by christopher
What is the origin of the increasing lack of communication between parents and their children?
As a child, the less our parents pay attention to us, to more bizarre our behavior becomes. What do we feel when our parents doesn't look at us? What are the effects of the lack of the Eyes Of The Parent on the child?
HERE IS WHAT HAPPEN WHEN PARENTS TURN THEIR EYES ON THEIR CHILD
Elevated
The child feels great, bigger in spirit, with an ever increasing sense of power and ability to deal with problems he or she may face Children are going to be faced with decisions about drugs, smoking, alcohol, sex, spraying graffiti, gang membership. When the child feel elevated, he or she will have the strength of character to stand up to these temptations, to resist dares and do what he or she knows is right.
Cherished
Self esteem units are gained. The child feels important, people really do care, it makes a difference what a parents do, if parents do something wrong, it does matter the child feels that he or she has a real effect on their world. They see themselves as a leader or someone others are taking their Permitteds from.
Acknowledged
The child gains a sense of what they have to give. It is not just parents that have something to give. Children can give self esteem units, give love, protect others, be a leader. When the parent looks at the child he or she feels that what they say or do matters.
anyhow, parents please lay an eye on ur kids and show them ur love...
Written on 5:49 AM by Melcolm
Have you ever felt as if you and your parents are getting further and further away from each other? I mean as in your relationships... Times when you were a small kid.. compared to your college self now... It's as if the stuff that we can babble about is becoming more and more little... I personally think that this is very common nowadays as the communication between the child and parent is decreasing as the days go by... This however, is the fault of both parties..
The Child
The phrase "you ruin my life" often occur not only in many dramas today that involves a conflict between a typical teenager today and his/her but almost in every teenagers life... Teenagers nowadays blame their parents for not giving them enough freedom and stuff like that.. However, before making a statement as harsh as "you ruin my life"... have you ever thought about it first.. I mean.. if this is true, would your parents even bother giving you education... what the heck... WOULD YOUR PARENTS EVEN BOTHER TO RAISE U UP?? they could just dump you somewhere and a HUGE burden would be off their shoulders
The Parents
Some parents i must say... Still treat their teenage child as a 6 year old.. they simply cant accept the fact that their little boy/girl has grown to become a hairy adult... These parents are too protective of their children and hence, their children would not be so comfortable to talk to their parents about anything at all..
How To Solve This Problem?
SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER.. talk about stuff... be open.. let both parties know what the problem is... parents need to let go of their children and not be so protective of their children.. give them space to grow... and to the sons/daughters... KNOW that your parents LOVE you no matter what..
Basically, this whole post is about the importance of communication... After seeing a show in class today, i finally realized how really IMPORTANT communication is.... so, i just had to write something regarding this relationship thing
Written on 1:41 AM by Anonymous
The look-&-away stare is reminiscent of the problem we face in adolescence in terms of our hands. What do we do with them? Where do we hold them? Amateur actors are also made conscious of this. They are suddenly aware of their hands as awkward appendages that must somehow be used gracefully & naturally.
In the same way, in certain circumstances, we become aware of our glances as awkward appendages. Where shall i look? What shall we do with our eyes?
Two strangers seated across from each other in a railway dinning-car have the option of introducing themselves & facing a meal of inconsequential & perhaps boring talk, or ignoring each other's glance. Cornelia Otis Skinner, describing such a situation in an essay, wrote, 'They reread the menu, they fool with the cutlery, they inspect their own fingernails as if seeing them for the first time. Comes the inevitable moment when glances meet, but they meet only to shoot instantly away & out the window for an intent view of the passing scene.'
This same awkward eye dictates our looking behaviour in elevators & crowded buses & subway trains. When we get on an elevator or train with a crowd we look briefly away at once without locking glances. We say, with our look, we say with our look, ' i see you. I do not know you, but you are human & i will not stare at you.'
If our eyes do meet we can sometimes mitigate the message with a brief smile. The smile must not be too long or too obvious. It must say, "i am sorry we have looked, but we both know it was an accident.'
Written on 1:18 AM by Anonymous
We often use this look-&-away technique when we meet famous people. We want to assure them that we are respecting their privacy, that we would not dream of staring at them. The same is true of the crippled or physically handicapped. We look briefly & then look away before the stare can be said to be a stare. It is the technique we use for any unusual situation where too long a stare would be embarrassing. When we see an inter-racial couple we use this technique. We might use it when we see a man with an unusual bear, with extra long hair, with outlandish clothes, or a girl with a minimal miniskirt may attract this look-&-away.
Of course, the opposite is also true. If we wish to put a person down we may do so by staring longer than is acceptably polite. Instead of dropping our gazes when we lock glances, we continue to stare. The person who disapproves of inter-racial marriage or dating will stare rudely at the inter-racial couple. If he dislikes long hair, short dresses or beards he may show it with a longer than-acceptable stare.
Written on 1:00 AM by Anonymous
With unfamiliar human beings, when we acknowledge their humanness, we must avoid staring at them, & yet we must also avoid ignoring them. To make them into people rather than objects, we use a deliberate & polite inattention. We look at them long enough to make it quite clear that we see them, & then we immediately look away. In, body language, we're saying, 'i know you're there,' & a moment later we add, 'But i would not dream of intruding on your privacy.'
The important thing in such an exchange is that we do not catch the eye of the person. We look at him without locking glances, & then we immediately look away. Recognition is not permitted.
There are different formulas for the exchange of glances depending on where the meeting takes place. If you pass someone in the street you may eye the oncoming person till eight feet apart, then you must look away as you pass. Before the eight-foot distance is reaches, each will signal in which direction he will pass. This is done with a brief look in that direction. Each will veer slightly, & the passing is done smoothly.
Sometimes the rules are hard to follow, particularly if one of the two people wears dark glasses. It becomes impossible to discover just what they are doing. Are they looking at you too long, too intently? Are they looking at you at all? The person wearing them feels protected & assumes that he can stare without being noticed in his staring. However, this is a self deception. To the other person, dark glasses seem to indicate that the wearer is always staring at him.
